Coffee and Antics
by Severa1
Summary: The Lighter side of Evil? Being a minion of the Shadows isn't entirely as fun as one thinks it is.


_Disclaimer: _Babylon 5_ and all related names etc. belong to JMS, and whatever companies want to claim rights. _

_A/N: This is my first _Babylon 5_ fic. I really don't think I have put so much effort into a non-chaptered fic before. I hope the effort was worth it.  I must give my heartiest thanks to Jenavira who helped me a lot since she's the big B5 geek (and betaed), where I haven't even seen the whole show yet. Also thanks to my other beta, Adsartha._

_Set during "Signs and Portents"_  __

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Coffee and Antics 

So, this is the much talked about Babylon 5.  "Our last best hope for peace."  Aw, what a sweet sentiment.  We'll see how well that truly works out. 

Right then.  I know exactly what I have to do: Keep my prearranged appointments with each ambassador on the station and ask them the same question, "What do you want?"  At least I finally convinced my "associates" that was the most appropriate phrase to use.  They wanted me to say, "What do you desire?" probably in reference to the inscription on something on their planet I once translated as "All that is desired."  I tried to explain to my associates that the word "Desire" may not be best.  I noted that "desire" has a far more sexual connotation in modern society.  I felt asking "What do you desire?" would make me feel like a pimp.  I had to explain to them what a pimp was.  They found the concept…amusing, if Shadows even _have_ a sense of humor. 

Entering the station from the docking bay, I am quite impressed.  I almost pass by the security guard in my excitement.  "Identicard, please."  I hand it to him.  I've never seen so many races commingling in one place before.  It's almost fascinating.  Of course, my interest was never really in modern cultures.  I guess I just prefer it when people are dead.  What archeologist doesn't?

"This hasn't been updated in a while," the security man notes, drawing my attention away from the crowd.

"I've been out of circulation, spent the last few years doing some exploration out on the rim," I explain as he continues to examine my ID.

"Find anything interesting?"  He casually asks.

More than you could possibly conceive; probably your fate.  "Yes," is all I reply and take my card back.

I make my way to the residential decks.  I find the room that has been prearranged for me before I arrived on the station. The room is simple, but accommodating.  I toss my case and jacket on the desk and flop down on the bed.  God, am I tired.

_Get up._

What?  "No, want to sleep…spacelag," I say, closing my eyes. 

_We must go over our plans._

There are two of them traveling with me. They have names, but given that their species' name in their own language is ten thousand letters long, their individual names are just as complicated. Though I never directly address them by any name, I have named them in my own mind to keep them straight. So my companions are Tulkas and Mandos.

"Later…sleepy…human needs to recharge…" 

Obviously, they're not pleased with this.  They start poking me with their sharp, spidery, appendages.  Oh, how I hate that.  Why do they think that poking is some sort of motivator?  Okay, so maybe it does work in the terms that I sit up so they'll just stop doing that.  It's so annoying. 

_Do you have the itinerary?_ asks Tulkas.

Itinerary?  Who knew the Shadow language had some sort of equivalent to that word?  I reach into my jacket pocket and pull out a small note pad.  "Yes.  First off: Ambassador G'Kar of Narn, Delenn of Minbar, and Londo Mollari of Centauri Prime."  I look at the list again and frown.  "I don't get it, why the Minbari?  Didn't you guys have a war with them?  Do you really think she's going to jump for joy at your return?"

_Our war with the Minbari was one thousand years ago.  Things change.  Alliances change._

"Yeah, but from what I understand the Minbari are the Vorlons' lapdogs. Going to talk to this ambassador is just like walking up to a Vorlon, rapping on its encounter suit helmet and saying 'guess who's home!'"

_Do not question our methods,_ chimes in Mandos.

Fine.  However, before I start doing any of this, I'm going to need a drink.  I get up to leave.

_Where are you going?_

"If you're not going to let me sleep, I need coffee.  You don't even let us have coffee on Z'ha'dum!  You let Justin have his stupid tea, why can't we have coffee?" 

_Stop whining._

"I wouldn't have to if you'd just let us have coffee," I mutter going out of the room, knowing no matter what, they'll follow me anyway. 

The establishment I enter appears to have just opened a short time ago.  There are still tables and chairs being moved and the bartender is wiping down his counter.  There are not many patrons.  I pass a human female as she walks out and I sit down at the bar just as three human males approach a Centauri in a horrifically garish, purple coat.  Has it be that long since my stay on Station Prime that I've forgotten how damn bright Centauri clothes can be?  Note to self: never invest in Centauri tailor, stick with grays and browns.

"Ambassador," one man holding a box greets the Centauri.  Ambassador?  So, this is Ambassador Mollari. 

"Mr. Reno?  I was starting to worry if you were going to come."

Well, looks like this little conversation may be important to my task.  Damn, how I love my sense of timing.

"I always keep my end of the bargain," this Reno replies.  Ah, a man after my own heart.  "Just had to make sure your people did the same."

"And?"  Mollari probes.

"I finally received confirmation that payment in full has been deposited into my account back on earth."  Centauri make good on their own promises.  Good to know.  "Here's the merchandise." 

Mr. Reno passes the box to Mollari who eagerly opens it.  "Great Maker," the Centauri exclaims.  I can't see what it is that has gotten the ambassador so worked up, but knowing the Centauri it is probably shiny and ugly. 

"Nice piece of jewelry isn't it?"  Mr. Reno asks.

Mollari still stares at it, fixated.  "This is not a 'piece of jewelry'; this is not 'the merchandise.'  This is the Eye."  Reno is obviously unimpressed by Mollari's enthusiasm, but I find myself absentmindedly playing with my necklace.  "The oldest symbol of Centauri nobility," he continues to explain to the human, "the property of the very first emperor.  It comes from the earliest days of the Republic, lost over a hundred years ago at the battle of Nu'Shok."

"I know the story, Ambassador, and I'm glad it means something to you, but to me it's just another commission."

At this point I start finding the conversation tiresome.  At least now we know if Mollari is the best candidate for our plans we have a card to play if this Eye is truly that important to him.  Heh, almost too good.  In one way or another, the ambassador and I are both slaves to an Eye.  I have good feelings about this guy.

My attention is brought back to the party at the small table as Mr. Reno stands.  "I would very much like to know how you got your hands on this," Mollari asks. "No, you wouldn't," is the last thing Reno says before he leaves.  Oh please, who hell does he think he is?  Mr. Cryptic?  I could out cryptic him any day.  Mollari grabs the box and leaves the establishment from the opposite way from which Reno did.  I watch him leave and I smile to myself. 

This is going to be fun.

* * *

So, the first stop is Ambassador G'Kar. I straighten my jacket (must look professional after all) and press the door chime.  "Enter" comes from within.  I step into the dim room that's lit only by low reddish lights.  Creepy.  "Yes?"  The (Amphibious? Reptilian?)  Ambassador inquires.

I smile.  "Ambassador G'Kar, I had an appointment with you." My two companions move away from my side and start poking around the Narn's quarters. I try not to let them distract me as I continue my conversation

"Yes, yes, of course.  What is your business?"  

"Only to ask you a question on behalf of my associates. What do you want?"

G'Kar stares at me for a second like a confused cat.  "I'm not sure if I understand the question Mr…uh…"

"Morden," I supply. Great, the Shadows disappeared from the room and must be in what I assume is the sleeping quarters.

"Morden.  Yes.  Who did you say authorized this little chat?"

"Counselor T'Bar, first circle."  It's true.  Almost too easy to get permission. Like he really cares about what the hell what happens on Babylon 5.  I bet the guy I'm looking at is no more than a token character.  Why should a counselor concern himself who talks to him?

"And does he know what this is about?"

"No," I say, sitting down, "but in order to see someone of your prominence I had to get a recommendation. He provided it."  Ah, ego stroking. I love that smug, content expression people get when you make it sound like they're important.  But enough with the pleasantries. "You still haven't answered my question, Ambassador.  What do you want?"

"What do you mean 'What do I want?'"

Oh boy.  It's not a difficult a question. "What do you want?"

"What do I want for supper?  What do I want do this evening?"

Sheesh, are all Narn skulls this thick or is it just a trait of G'Kar's?  "What do you want?" I ask again, irritation seeping through.

"This is pointless.  What I want is for you to go away and leave me in peace."

Well, if that's what you really want, Mr. Spotty.  I stand and give him a courteous bow.  "As you say." Damn, where are Tulkas and Mandos? 

I'm almost to the door when he stops me.  "Wait!"  I turn. Ha, maybe he's not as thick as I thought.  "What do I want?  The Centauri stripped my world. I want Justice."

Now we're getting somewhere.  "But _what do you want?"_

"To suck the marrow from their bones."  Oh, well that sounds yummy…actually now I feel like chicken.  I wonder if I can get some chicken here.  "And grind their skulls to powder."

That's very well and good, but…  "What do you want?"

"To tear down their cities, blacken _their_ sky, sow their ground with salt.  To completely, utterly, erase them."  

"And then what?"

He gets that confused cat look again.  "I don't know.  As long as my home world's safety is guaranteed, I don't know that it matters."

Buzz. Wrong answer!  "I see…" What the hell could those two be doing that's taking them so long? I'm almost tempted to shout at them to come along like a couple of children. "Well, thank you very much for your time, Ambassador.  Good day."  And just as I turn to walk out my companions come running (more like scuttling) out of the bedroom. 

"What was that about?" I ask in the empty hallway.

_Don't ask,_ Tulkas says.

_Some things are better left unknown, _says Mandos.

_That Narn is scary, _agrees Tulkas. _Anyway, what did he say?_

"Pretty much just 'Kill all Centauri'."

_That's it?_

"Well, he did have some nifty ideas about blackening skies and sucking out bone marrow."

_Eh, too narrow-minded. Cross him off._

I take out my pad and do so.  Mmm…bone marrow.

* * *

Next stop is Ambassador Delenn. After chiming, the door slides open for me. The Minbari's quarters are far better lighted and cheerier than the Narn's. She doesn't face me, but instead concentrates on...what the hell is that? It looks she's trying to build a house of cards with crystals. Tulkas and Mandos seem to take an interest in this and start poking at it, but not hard enough that Delenn can notice. "Ambassador Delenn." I greet her. "My name is Morden. My superiors have arranged for me to meet with you."

"Yes, I know. And what is that your 'superiors' wish for you to speak to me about?"

I cringe behind her back as I watch the two Shadows continue to poke around at her delicate looking pieces. "Only to ask you a question. What do you want?"

She still doesn't look at me as she speaks. "What is the purpose of your question, Mr...uh...Morden is it?"

Great, she's going to be as simple as the Narn. "The question is its own purpose, ambassador. What do you want?"

"I am informed you have just seen ambassador G'Kar. Are you asking each of us this question?"

Okay, maybe the Minbari are smarter. "Perhaps. Does that invalidate the question?"

"No," she says, placing another piece to her little tower, "but it does make me wonder- -"

She pauses, and brings a hand up to her forehead.

"Something wrong, ambassador?" Yikes, looked like she was ready to pass out. My companions see that something is bothering her and start moving back towards me and the door.

She removes her hand and seems to compose herself. "No, just a moment of fatigue." She suddenly whips around, bringing her hand back to her forehead.

She just stares at me. I wish she'd stop staring. "Ambassador?" I ask, genuinely concerned.

"Leave me." her voice has dropped and sounds angry. "Get out! Now!"

_Out, out, now!_

Mandos' insistence startles me, but I manage to bow politely and leave seeming nonplussed. I pass a young Minbari male on my out, hurrying towards Delenn's quarters. Huh, must be her assistant. Just before I'm out of earshot I hear their first lines of conversation.

"Delenn, is something wrong?"

"I think I just saw a metaphor."

Hmm...right...

Well after another failure, I go back to my room. "Told you." I brag to my companions.

_It was worth a try..._

"Yes, well I get the feeling that since you two were poking around her little toy, she realized something was up. Why else would she so harshly chase me out?"

_She didn't like your smarmy attitude?_

"I think she knows you're back. And I think you know that she knows, that's why you practically pushed me out of there. Now she's going to go tell that Vorlon once he gets back."

_It does not matter. Now we should go and talk to our other contacts._

Ah, yes. Time to go and find the scum of the universe that will do anything for a few credits. That of course means we're going to have to go to Down Below. Oh. Joy. As I make my way through the less occupied areas of the station, my companions are surprisingly quiet, but the silence is somewhat irritating. Lack of anything better to do, I start humming to myself. The only song that pops in my head is an old Frank Sinatra song. I don't even like Frank Sinatra. The strangest songs get stuck in your head at the oddest moments.

_Stop it!_ Tulkas pokes me.

"What?" I ask, rubbing my arm. I have so many damned bruises from these two poking me.

_Quick! Duck into that corridor! Vorlon coming._

I quickly do so, and the Vorlon passes without even a glance in our direction. Ha, almighty Vorlon didn't even know we were here. Oh well, as I told my associates earlier, Delenn will probably tell him all about us sooner or later.

* * *

After an educational few hours in Down Below, I learned that there is a plot to steal that Eye thing from Ambassador Mollari. Could be useful. And speaking of the ambassador, I'm supposed to meet him in just a few minutes. 

I just turn to the corner to the ambassador's quarters, just as he is walking out, holding that box. I quicken my step to catch up him at the lift doors. "Ah, ambassador, I was just on my way to see you. My name is-"

"I'm sorry, but I don't have time to chat right now," he says, "I suggest you make an appointment."

"I did." And I never miss one. Sheesh, I was prompt. The least he could do was keep his own appointments.

"Then make another one!" He pushes the button for the tube. "Never a transport tube when you need one," he mutters.

"Ambassador, I was authorized to speak to you--" I persist.

He turns to me, irritated. "Yes, yes. Look, what do you want?"

Oh, this is too good. "That's what I was going to ask you, what do you want?" I can't help but grin at the irony.

"You are a lunatic. Go away, pester someone else." He steps into the tube, but I quickly step in after him. So quickly in fact that the doors close before Mandos can make it into the tube himself. It's a good thing anyway. It's sort of cramped with Tulkas in here and I doubt both Shadows could have fit in anyway. Mollari gives his destination and speaks to me again. "You are a very persistent young man."

"I have to be. I'm not allowed to leave here until you've answered my question. What do you want?"

"This is a silly conversation."

Considering that I'm trying to hold this conversation in a cramped tube with an alien only I can see having to press itself against the wall, I have to agree. "Yes, it is. What do you want?"

"To be left alone." He says finitely, and gets off the tube, and starts walking away.

I get off the tube as well, and stand with my hands behind my back. A posture my wife used to call my "Rod Serling stance." She watched too many old vids. Trying to push away the sudden thoughts of my deceased family, I concentrate on the ambassador again. "Is that it? Is that really all, ambassador?"

He turns around, and sighs. "All right. Fine. You really want to know what I want? You really want to know the truth?" Well, yeah, that's kind of the point of the question. "I want my people to reclaim their rightful place in the galaxy. I want to see the Centauri stretch forth their hand again and command the stars. I want a rebirth of glory, a renaissance of power, I want to stop running through my life like a man late for an appointment, afraid to look back, or to look forward. I want us to be what we used to be! I want…I want it all back the way that it was! Does that answer your question?" After his little speech, he turns back around and heads off down the corridor. Mandos has to dodge him as he finally catches up with us.

"Yes, yes it does," I say as Mollari disappears.

_Him? _ Mandos asks, rejoining us.

"Him." I agree.

_Then we should contact our ship. Good work, Mortimer._

Ugh, I hate it when they call me by my first name. Such a silly first name. I prefer it if people just not know it. Anyway, I think I deserve a nap.

***

When I wake up, my associates are not in the room. But just as I say "lights," they come scurrying in. "What were you off doing?" I ask, sitting up.

_Nothing._ Mandos said, trying to look innocent. I think only someone who has been around the shadows as I have can even tell that they have expressions.

"You were poking around one of the ambassadors' quarters again, weren't you?" Tulkas shakes his ugly head, and piece of crystal slides off it, clattering on the floor. "You were playing with Delenn's toy again, weren't you?" I sigh. "Why do you persist in such antics?"

_We do not have "antics"; we have evil plots of Doom!_

"Fine," I say, getting up and rubbing the sleep out of my eye, "you have Evil Antics of Doom." Sometimes I really do feel like I'm talking to a couple of children. Then again, maybe I am in Shadow terms. How do I know if I was stuck with a couple adolescents or not? Maybe I misnamed them. At least Mandos and Tulkas in Tolkien had dignity.

_We have contacted our ship. _

"That's nice," I say yawning and grabbing my jacket. "I'm going to get coffee."

_The station is under attack. You're better off staying here._

"Don't care. Coffee." If Shadows could give resigned sighs, I'm sure these two would have done so before following me out. 

I decide that if the station is under attack, I'm better off avoiding the more frequently used corridors. There is probably mass hysteria, people running around with their arms in the air screaming, mothers clutching crying children, etc. The station rocks with a blast form one of the attacking ships, and I stumble a bit, steadying myself on the wall. After taking a moment to make sure the ceiling isn't going to fall in on me, I continue on.

_Wait!_

_Vorlon! Behind you!_

With a smirk I turn around and sure enough there is Ambassador Kosh. "Leave this place, they are not for you. Go. Leave, now!" It takes me a moment to realize that's he not actually speaking directly to me, but to my two companions. Speaking of which, one of them, probably Tulkas, moves behind me and breaks a corridor light. Oh, how melodramatic. Should I find a beer bottle to smash while we're at it? 

As the Shadows move towards the Vorlon, only the red emergency lights flash in the corridor. The battle I watch is certainly something different. Tulkas and Mandos move on Kosh and starting tearing at his encounter suit. Well, at least that's what I assume they're doing. In fact, it looks just like they're poking him, only a bit more violently. I find myself rubbing the bruises on my arms feeling slightly sympathetic for the ambassador. Very slightly. Kosh counterattacks with bursts of energy that do seem to hurt my companions. Fearing that the battle might heat up a little too much, I duck down the next corridor and wait. Soon the station emergency lights turn off. I peek around the corner to see that Kosh had gone and the Shadows coming towards me, looking only a little singed. 

_Coward,_ Mandos accuses me.

"What would I have done?" I ask as I follow them back to my quarters. Looks like no coffee for me again. They have to go nurse their wounds, and I…well I might as well go back to sleep.

* * *

Something is jabbing me. Oh, as if they could find a _more_ annoying way to wake me up. I try batting away the pointy appendage, but that only results in me accidentally cutting my own hand on it. Damn, why do they have to be dangerous just by touching them? "Lights! What?" I turn over and squint at the two of them. Mandos puts a cube shaped box covered in a cloth on the bedside table. "The Centauri Eye?" I ask.

_Yes. Go take it to Mollari._

"What, now?" 

_Of course._

"Oh fine." I say, making sure my disgruntledness is known, as if they care. Before leaving I take a look at this artifact. Yep, shiny and ugly.

As I approach Mollari's quarters, an older looking female Centauri passes me and gives me an odd look. I just smile and nod my head courteously. I press the door chime. "Whoever it is, go away!" is shouted from within.

"Well guys, looks like he wants to be left alone." I start to leave. Then Tulkas presses the chime again. "What did you do that for?"

_You ever want coffee again?_

Apparently the second chime was not futile. "All right! Enter!" He shouts and the door opens in front of me.

Holding the box in front of me, I put on my most "innocent" face. "Good evening, Ambassador."

Mollari looks quite upset. "You? Go away. It's late. I'm in no mood for your games."

Oh, but the game has hardly begun! Besides, you're winning… "I'm leaving shortly." Thank God! Especially since I started noticing this wide-eyed Earth Force guy keeps staring at me. It can make a man uncomfortable. "I got what I came for. But, before I go: A gift from friends you don't know you have." I hold the box out to him, and he takes it.

_Let us make our hasty and mysterious exit!_ suggests Mandos.

We make it just out of sight of his quarters, when I hear him calling after me. "Where did you go, eh? Let me buy you a drink!" Ooh, a drink of coffee? Wait, this is a Centauri, so probably not. "Let me buy you a whole fleet of drinks! How can I ever find you to thank you?"

"Should I answer him?"

_Sure, but throw your voice or something and make it sound spooky!_

What? Are we in a high school mystery play?  A take a breath and roll my eyes as I intone, "We will find you ambassador. We will find you." Ugh, that was so cheesy. "Can we go now, _please?" _

_Of course. Next stop: Earth!_

Oh. Joy.


End file.
